“I love you, Dad.” Taras, my 11 year-old-son, cracked open the office door.
Looking up from my computer, I turned my chair to face him.
Fluffy blue cape fluttering behind, he bounced into the office and climbed on my lap. “Can I have more game time?”
“After your homework.” I bundled him up and kissed his forehead.
“Daaaaad!” His head lolled backward. “You said I could play after I ate.”
I gave him a pained expression. “Homework always comes before game time.”
“But you didn’t say it.”
“I’ve been saying it every day for the last 6 months.”
“But you didn’t say it this time.”
I let out a long, slow breath.
“Please.” He sat up and adjusted his glasses, eyes blue as the Maldives. “Just a little more?”
It was impossible to resist. Almost. I shook my head and watched the emotions wash across his face. Disappointment, anger, conniving.
Because no reveals more than yes.
After too many hours of game time, Taras gets short-tempered, throwing tantrums over the slightest frustration. I want to give him more time, but how do I know if he can handle it? I say no. How he deals with the no tells me everything about whether he can handle a yes.
The Bible says God’s ready to give me the desires of my heart. But can I handle it? How do I tell? The answer is in how I navigate the areas God tells me no in my life. Do I act with grace and perseverance, or do I crumble — or become enraged? Do I continue to obey, or do I give up on God’s way to get my way?
No’s from God feel restrictive: Thou shalt not this . . .thou shalt not that . . .” At least that’s what I used to think until I remembered the Garden of Eden. In Gen 2:16-17, God says eat freely of any fruit you want — except one. I realized God’s single no meant a thousand other yes’s. Those yes’s included the tree of life. We could have lived forever without having to suffer this world of war, disease, and cruelty. All that behind one tiny, tiny no. I realized he’s permissive, not restrictive (and we’re pretty shortsighted).
No gives more freedom than yes.
The most hurtful things in my life and in the lives of the people I know came from circumventing God’s no for my own yes’s, like success, love, respect or whatever. I finally learned that when God tells me no, as much as I think I want that thing, I don’t. I think I want it because I don’t know about all the pain and disappointment it comes with, and I don’t know about the great destiny I’ll have to give up to get it. God’s no’s are offset by endless yes’s.
It took a few years for the results to catch up with me. I didn’t realize years of no to spending meant the countless yes’s of retiring early. I didn’t understand how no’s to extra sleep so I could carve out prayer time meant yes to my sanity when I lost my multimillion-dollar business, and when my wife died. No to sex before marriage meant yes to a Godly wife and a marriage so good I’m literally on my knees thanking God for it every day.
We all have certain things we know deep down we shouldn’t be doing. If you’re feeling stifled by God’s no, like you’re going to lose something you have, or not get something you want, I encourage you to go with God’s no anyway. Ask him for help. He’ll get you there. God’s yes’s are just around the corner, and I promise they’re better yes’s than you could have orchestrated. Don’t stop bugging God to change your no’s, but get on board with all your heart because, I can tell you from experience the resulting yes’s overflow with joy, guilt-free peace, and a satisfaction there are just no words to describe.