I can’t sleep. It’s 3:00am, nothing is open and there’s nowhere to go. So I sit here in the darkness with trembling fingers and try to put words to this emptiness. What can she see? Is she watching me wipe these tears off my keyboard? Can she see the way you weep for her? She left such a huge hole. How will we ever fill it? She loved us so deeply, with such force and abandon, no one who knew her walked away untouched. She inspired us, encouraged us, told us we were special and beautiful when we couldn’t see it. She was indomitable and unstoppable; she loved to prove me wrong when I said something was impossible. It seems like every other night she dragged me into the kitchen to sing a happy birthday message to someone – she never missed any of your birthdays. It doesn’t feel like she’s gone does it? More like she’s away for a while.
Honey, it was supposed to be me holding your old wrinkled hand at the end, and I’m so sorry you had to take that final step alone. I always thought you’d look so good with long gray hair, but you’ll still be blonde when I see you again. I miss you more than anything.